Turning Point

It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen Dr D and Andrea the breast care nurse. She’s happy with how the scars are healing, but comments I “still look tiny”, and there’s no way I’ll be able to “work full-time for a while yet.”

As Dr D takes a look at how things are progressing I ask if they’re “pool ready?” He says yes and I nearly jump off the bed with excitement. Yes! He’s finally given me the okay to get in the water!

At this consultation we also discuss that ongoing stabbing pain in my back and whether some physio/massage may help. Perhaps the key point of discussion though, is the next operation. We book it in for October 19, around 3 months from now. I have 3 months to get my fitness back (and build a bit more strength!) in preparation.

Dr D asks casually about what size I think I might go. We ascertain that I was a large A-cup, to a B depending on cut/style etc. He checks my records to confirm that I’ve probably ‘grown’ about a cup size. Now to me that doesn’t mean much – my ‘breasts’ are such a strange shape and have been kind of swollen for so long now – it’s hard to tell what they may finish up like. When I ask him how he tells, I’m a little taken aback by how tiny my boobs really were! (I’ve asked a few girlfriends “what do you reckon a boob would weigh?” All too often I’ve been met with “what mine, or yours?” A couple have guestimated a kilo – kilo 1/2. Proof they’re thinking of their breasts not mine!) As it turns out I now have 420mills of saline in each side. As for weight, Dr D tells me that on removal my left breast (which hadn’t been as ‘dissected‘ as the right during previous surgeries) weighed only 300 grams, so comparing that to mills – I’ve gone up around 120-ish – or say a cup size.

We decide this size, or perhaps just a bit bigger will suffice. He promises to tidy up my scars and move the implants in a bit closer too (which will require a bit more dissection closer to my sternum.) I’m glad about that. At the moment I feel like my ‘boobs’ are a couple of inches apart and positioned more under my arms than on my chest!

Back to work is the next big issue. How on earth do I fit back into the hard and fast world that is radio? How do I manage the responsibility of being the News Director and also complete an On-Air shift every day? What will be the reaction to my long absence, diagnosis, treatment, physical state? Is it this – the viewpoint of my superiors, colleagues and acquaintances that has my stomach in knots, or perhaps the question of how I will cope with stepping back into my day-to-day after months of being focused almost entirely on my health?