Lots to think about..

So..

I’m feeling not-so-sick, but am still pretty tired. At times I’d love to jump in for a long, slow swim (my body would thank me for it – I know…), at others getting through the day-to-day washing, dinner + a bit of light exercise like a walk/bike ride (not on the road!) is enough.

Some nights I sleep like a log, others – I absolutely fit the label ‘insomniac’.

As I prepare to return to work later this week there’s a lot going on in this busy little mind. In no specific order – here are some of the things which occupy my thoughts;

• What can/should I be doing to stop it coming back?
• What sort of monitoring regime should I submit to?
• How the hell do I get used to this?
• I got all sentimental yesterday when buying, of all things – a beautiful aromatherapy candle. It was called ‘Little Black Dress’. I fell in love with the fragrance and hoped that one day I would once again pull on a ‘LBD’ and feel good.
• Should we stay in this house (which is beautiful, but full of some rather painful memories. And – the stairs!)
• What about heading back up the Mountain? It’s so special…quiet, peaceful and I’m sure the environment is healing..But, could I handle the driving (even if only a few days a week)?
• I love ‘doing’ new places, is a reno close to home a new challenge I’d enjoy?
• Study..Ohhh study…I’ve been investigating taking up everything from Health Sciences to MBBS. Sure I’ve got the desire – genuinely, but have I got the stamina and intellect?
• My career. All that hard work, which brought both immense satisfaction and damaging stress. Gone. I walked away.
• What will become of the relationships which have changed so dramatically as a result of this experience? Why do I sometimes feel a bit, well – left behind? Note to self – think of all the new and wonderful people in your life, and some of the experiences shared as a result of this diagnosis.
• Taking a break. Would a weekend/week on my own, or longer break for both Paul and I be of benefit? (Nothing like trying to run away..)
• On that – should I/we be seeking some sort of counselling/assistance in helping with the impact of this cancer/adjustment/new life?

Will life ever be the same again?

Guess not huh, but that brings me back to that old saying repeated time and time again by my dear Mum ‘everything happens for a reason’. I feel like I’m getting closer to understanding the reason for this, but am not quite there yet.