His song ‘War of my life’ accurately describes how I feel…..
Today has been, without exception, the scariest day of my 34 years. My experience in the Oncology Unit, is the first time in my life, I’ve been scared for my life.
The third round of chemotherapy started as the previous two have. Then the ‘cyclo’ (Cyclophosphamide) started feeding through the catheter in my chest.
One minute I was casually chatting to Paul….(maybe about the impressive view from where I lay…)
The next, I felt violently ill.
After lurching forward and spluttering that I needed a sick bag NOW, I watched Paul walk to the nurses station. As he did, my vision became blurred and I could only make out his shape. My heart was racing (courtesy of the cocktail of drugs – including steroids), I was burning up and breathing became difficult.I could hear footsteps, but not see anyone, as I tried to keep calm and control my breathing. My breathing was shallow and painful, I was using every bit of strength I had to try and get some air in.
At that moment, I realised if I couldn’t take in some big breaths – that might be it. In spite of my efforts – the drugs were in control. A frightening realisation.
I closed my eyes tightly, willed my lungs to accept the air I needed and felt Elke’s hand gently push on my forehead forcing me to lie back on the pillow. With the help of another nurse, she quickly and expertly got the oxygen mask on and as the situation settled, reassured us that I’d be okay.
And, when I snapped out of it – the look on Paul’s face expressed but a hint of the trauma we’d both experienced..
Elke explained I’d had a reaction to the combination of drugs.
Next time around, they’d slow that third one right down (so it dripped in), to avoid a repeat of this episode.
Although I asked questions, tried to understand what on earth had happened, all I really wanted was to get the hell out of there and deal with the next time, next time.
Encore Performances 
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