Archive | October, 2012

Ready for anything….(almost!)

18 Oct
I’ve written in the past, about how there’s now a heavy weight in my everyday, which didn’t exist ‘BC’.  It’s not to say that I was carefree, just that the realities of cancer were not the constant in my life they now are.
In a way, thinking about life beyond BC treatment is far more interesting than my safe, very structured and somewhat predictable life before.
I’m not so bothered by the fear of feeling silly, of failing or of others’ opinions.
I’m far more open to exploring new challenges, my full potential if you like.

Day of contrast…

17 Oct
What an extraordinary day of contrast.
Via text message, I learned of a difficult time being experienced by a dear friend.  It simply read; she’d found a lump, it had been looked at under ultrasound and her surgeon wanted it biopsied ASAP.
My heart sank, as my mind raced with thoughts of what the last few days would have been like for her and her family.
The emotions were very raw, as I recalled that this special lady had two years ago undergone a prophylactic double mastectomy, followed by surgery to remove her ovaries.  She has a strong family history of breast cancer, having lost her Mother to the disease approximately five years ago.
This woman has been a tremendous support for me this time around.  She’s one of the good ones and that 2.8mm lump – whatever it is – has already caused her a great deal of shock and fear.
I’ll admit to shedding a few tears for her.  With every bit of my being, I hope it’s a cyst or something inconsequential.
In stark contrast, I then went on to have an incredibly inspiring meeting with another equally impressive human being.
So exciting was this energetic chat over a plate of chicken and cashews at the local Malay restaurant, that I left wanting to yell from the rooftops about one of the most incredible adventures EVER!
More on that to come……..

Hot like radiation

1 Oct

I’ve got the song with the chorus line ‘hot like radiation’ by Gavin DeGraw on the iPod.  It’s not quite the same:-)

Submitting to this treatment everyday has challenged me (and those around me) in more ways than I can find the words to describe.

Dragging myself to the ‘radiation bunker/chamber’ every day is taking its toll.  I’ve managed to make myself physically ill every single day – despite counting down each day as a step closer to finishing this.

I’m so very tired.

I’ll spare you the detail of every day.  But here is the ‘mark up’ – tumour site, mid-line, ‘field’, the sexy gown I wear every day, some of the impact……

Psychologically – in some ways this is far more difficult than chemo.  There’s an algorithm to that.  This – ????

My mind is struggling.  My body is beyond exhaustion, my skin – so fragile – it’s burnt, blistering, itchy, hot, tender….red raw…..

The side effects?  Well, the main ones – the burn and fatigue has increased.

Fingers crossed things will settle soon…….