As I come to the realisation that my body will fail without more chemotherapy, I deal with the truly harrowing wait for news on whether a donor can be found.
I could write page-upon-page of how I’m feeling deep inside; about the disbelief, heartache, desperation I am experiencing at news my sister can not be my donor as she is pregnant and bringing another life into the world. That life – after Kristi’s commitment to me, and whether she realises it or not – compromises mine. It’s not that little baby’s fault and I am big enough to move past this. The emotions are raw at present and will change, I’m sure, as time goes on.
For now – I need all of my energy for me. I know that seems selfish. I’m not usually that way inclined, but must be right now.
There is a need to focus, remain hopeful and confident that someone in the world will be a match for me. (If not – the reality is I’m buggered…… Don’t like that prospect.)
I’m not really religious, don’t ‘pray’ as such – but have a strong belief that ‘everything happens for a reason’. My belief is that there is more to learn from this and hope is I will be here to experience that.
After enduring my second and third round of chemotherapy, the Haematologist on the ward just blurts out the most unbelievable news ever! ‘Captain Kirk’ as he’s become known visited one morning and in a very matter-of-fact way said ‘your donor’ is right to go. I immediately and very strongly contested ‘I have a donor?!’, ‘yes, you didn’t know?’, he questioned.
Ohhhhh…the utter disbelief, relief, complete and utter joy!!!!!
It was a moment to be stashed and savoured later. Dr Morris told me I’d need more chemo to keep me going in the meantime, as the stem cells were a way off. I would be administered what they called a course of ‘mini-FLAG’; three days of chemo just to try and knock the leukaemia on its head and have me ready for transplant.
Wowsers. My life truly has changed with this remarkable news.
I am so very grateful.
Encore Performances 
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