Encore Performances

About three hours after surgery (and clearly a little ‘happy’) I was standing on my own two feet – desperate to get out of the paper undies and theatre gown.

Tissue expanders out, implants in, old scars tidied up (+ no new ones), I’m wearing a bra for the first time in six months and it’s tight! (for obvious reasons.)

Although still connected to a drip, oxygen and those calf pumps – there were no drains this time, so a lot easier to move about.

The following day I had my first real look.

Andrea, Michelle, Gem and Sue had done another amazing job looking after me, but I wasn’t very talkative after round-the-clock obs!

Dr D was in bright and early – happy with how things were looking and confident I’d be right to go home later in the day. I wasn’t so sure, nervous about managing the shower etc. However – a bit of a hand, some more rest, a very nutritious sausage roll for morning tea (hey – they gave me a party pie last time!), more rest, some lunch, followed by another sleep – and I was good to go.

I know I’ve mentioned the incredible care I’ve received on a number of occasions. The men and women who do this day-in, day-out (doctors, surgeons, anaesthetists, nurses, physios, pathologists) really are very special people. (At times I’ve felt guilty asking for help because I’m not ‘sick’, knowing they could be assisting someone who is.) Their professionalism, attitude, caring and understanding has certainly opened-up my eyes to a whole other world. How lucky we all are that there are people who are so dedicated to helping others. Truly inspirational to say the least.

The sun couldn’t have come up soon enough on Monday.

Had my last shower with the expanders in (!), arrived at Pindara Private Hospital and made my way through all the paperwork involved. The Admissions area has become very familiar these past six months.

Amazing when I think about them really. Six months ago this week, I was in for that initial surgery – the bilateral lumpectomy. There was another operation about a week later. And exactly five months ago, I had the bilateral mastectomy.

Thought we’d get a shot given it’s the last time!

Medical history confirmed, it was time to don the sexy paper undies again!

With all the checks done and wearing the correct attire (don’t forget the paper shower cap to match!), I was saying goodbye to Paul and being wheeled off to ‘pre-op’.

A bit different this time – very quick. The anaesthetic nurse went through the necessary preparation, I spent a bit of time with the anaesthetist and then Dr D was back with the camera and purple texta. (Even though he reminded me – I knew not to smile this time. Still, I found myself laughing!)

He marked out my ‘Centre Front Seam’ as Mum calls it and where he’d like the new implants to sit. Dr D asked how I felt about going in ‘underneath’ and I told him I felt a bit differently as the reality set in following my last appointment. Here I was thinking about asking if there was a chance he could ‘tidy up’ the old scars while I was under – and he said “that’s okay, we can go through the old ones and just extend a bit.” I was so shocked and relieved at the same time I don’t think I said thank you. As you know, I’d been so flattened by the prospect of having new incisions, the healing, risk of infection etc. This was one of the nicest surprises I could have received.

With that, the ‘gas mask’ as they’re known in medical circles (no disrespect intended Dr S.) was back and injecting a clear fluid into the cannula he’d just popped into my elbow. The last thing I remember was him saying “this is the good stuff”, and me protesting “if it’s that good please tell Dr D and everyone in the operating theatre that I’m now not accountable for anything that comes out of my mouth!”

Slightly excited, as I’m off to Pindara Private Hospital again in just a few hours. Phew.

I’m knackered actually. Back to the really disrupted sleeping patterns, so by the time I’m admitted etc. will be really ready for the anaesthetic to kick in.

Knowing I’m going to be housebound for a while again after today’s surgery – I’ve tried to be out-and-about as much as possible this past week.

Yesterday Paul and I spent a few indulgent hours at a health spa. We thought a massage may help take the edge off, when that didn’t work we asked for champagne!

Gotta love the statue in the treatment room. Striking resemblance to my ‘BC’ boobs. No match now though!

We enjoyed a lovely meal (Okay – I’m fasting now and just the thought of food is making my belly grumble!) and top class service.

The waitress casually asked if we were celebrating something special. I thought for a second, before sharing with her that in a way – we were. Three operations down, one to go etc.

Rather touchingly, a waiter returned a short time later with this, to wish me ‘All The Best’.

Here we go again!

I’ve mentioned how unsettling the ‘sloshing’ can be. Even lying down I’m not safe.

Sure – it’s natural for boobs to flop sideways as you roll in either direction, crinkling up like this isn’t so natural.

Must admit I got a bit of a fright the first time I noticed. And after a few months of getting the giggles, I’m over it now and looking forward to having the ‘hardier’ silicone implants in place of the expanders.

What a legacy Jane McGrath has left.

I’m sure every Australian is aware of her courageous fight against breast cancer and saddened by her tragic passing in June, 2008.

Today – I’ve had the absolute honour of spending some time with her best friend Tracy Bevan, at a McGrath Foundation High Tea.

Tracy is fulfilling a very important promise she made to Jane, to continue the work of the McGrath Foundation – encouraging young women to be breast aware and raising funds to provide breast cancer patients and their families across the country with access to breast care nurses.

Having a deep understanding of exactly how achieving these two goals can and will help, meant today was very personal for me. I felt privileged to have shared some relaxed, casual and at times quite emotional discussions with Tracy.

I’m the same age Jane was when first diagnosed. Tracy’s tale of how Jane initially shared with her she thought something may be wrong, is actually quite similar to how I broached the subject with my dear friend Summer Lockley. As Jane faced the reality of a breast cancer diagnosis – Tracy was pregnant with her first child. As my journey began – Summer discovered she was pregnant with her first child. (Little Jaydon has since arrived!).

Events such as this High Tea help to raise the profile of organisations which are helping. To the many Foundations, Associations and Support Groups, their staff, volunteers and everyone who supports their work by making donations and offering other forms of assistance – thank you.

Not quite as revealing as Janet Jackson’s little ‘mishap’, but still hilarious!

Strapless dresses and tops are a staple in my wardrobe. I’ve never really had any boobs to put in them, so imagine how funny it felt to have this dress slide down over the ones which are ‘under construction’!

Kind of annoying – and not much I could do about it while I had my hands full trying to stuff the chilli’s for dinner.

(Paul’s getting very quick with the camera – we just never know when something laughable is going to pop up – or out!)

Everyone’s heard/read the slogans such as Go Pink for a Cause in support of Breast Cancer awareness month each October. Most have seen and perhaps purchased some of the merchandise – pink ribbons, wristbands, pens etc. Thank you. The monies raised contribute to not just research into a cure – but also support and treatment for people just like me.

This is part of the view which greeted me as I hopped up on stage at the recent breakfast event hosted by the local group Women In Tourism. Quite beautiful don’t you agree?

I never thought flexing my pectoral muscles would be so amusing. While having a laugh at my own expense, I thought I’d share.

Looks strange huh?!

That out of my system, here’s a shot of how the tissue expanders have settled five months after they were inserted.

They’ve done their job stretching the muscle and skin and soon will be replaced by much nicer silicone implants. The new ones will be shaped more like natural breasts, will be placed closer in towards my sternum and – they wont slosh!!

After writing many stories about Currumbin’s annual ‘Swell’ sculpture festival over the years – this year is the first I’ve actually been.

Paul and I chose to eat at a nearby cafe while reading through the program. Imagine our surprise when we read about this stunning exhibit by Ruth Park?!

Fittingly – it’s entitled ‘Self Examination’. Perhaps a little spooky though (for me anyway) – the subject is holding her right breast.

Standing beside this incredible sculpture in all its glory – was quite breathtaking.

Okay, not really.

I’ve been going once/twice a week and just doing some very light weights (with Dr D’s approval).

The pool is obviously great for stretching and the laps are excellent for my cardio fitness, but it’s my muscle strength that could do with a big hand before the next surgery.

I don’t make a habit of wearing my cap backwards, however with it and my ‘chest’ kind of getting in the way – something had to give!

So, this is the set ‘under construction’ at 7 weeks out from the big operation.

The infills done, the tissue expanders are well and truly settling into place.

Clearly shape and position isn’t priority – stretching my muscle and skin in preparation for the permanent implants is.

I still feel very tight across the top (if you drew a line from armpit-to-armpit), and quite tender underneath where the pectoral muscle has been cut. The scarring and area surrounding is numb.

Dr D has promised to move them in closer. (cool – they’re kinda heading East & West at the moment!)

Having lived in jarmies and baggy tops since this began, dressing myself for work is now an issue. Most of my tops/dresses don’t accommodate the new shape. I would be happy with a big brown paper bag. (Okay – maybe with a little embellishment or set of killer heels!)

Well..The day I’d been waiting for.

I was nervous as I taped my scars, (amazed at how my changed shape now had to really squeeze into my togs) and determined to meet the challenge of driving to the pool, having a go and getting home all by myself.

The rush of emotions as I entered the complex was almost indescribable. Being an indoor pool the noise of the filters was deafening, the smell of the chlorine – overpowering and the activity of others quite frightening.

The environment in which I was usually so comfortable – now felt a little overwhelming.

I took the disabled ramp and as each inch of my body was submerged in the water – there were tingles. How long I’d waited to feel the warmth, support and familiarity of the water. My body really needed just to float and relax and unlike any time during the past few months to experience no pain or even pressure.

The ‘vice on the chest’ that Dr D had warned I would experience kicked in almost immediately. I fought it as best I could, before the tears of frustration welled in my eyes and created a most unhelpful fog in my goggles! After a mere two laps of breastroke (ironic huh?) I was done.

Oh – forgot to mention as I attempted the first stroke – bringing my hands into my chest I quite literally banged them into my ‘new chest’. Note to self – even though you can’t feel them – boobs there!