You’re just so unlucky…

28 Jan
I recognise the number on my phone, I’ve been waiting, anxiously for this call.
It’s Andrea my breast care nurse.  This is what I scribbled down;
It went something like this;
Are you at home?
Is Paul or your Mum with you? (Heart sinks……)
You’re just SOOOOOOO unlucky…Under two percent of patients with DCIS ever experience any further problems.
UNFORTUNATELY – it’s MALIGNANT. INFILTRATING DUCTAL CARCINOMA. DANIEL’s EXCISED AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE FOR NOW.  I SHOULD HAVE RADIATION AND HORMONE THERAPY.  
It’s a 7mm tumour; 6mm IDC, the other mm is DCIS.  
Right, at least we know what we’re dealing with.
I’m not shocked.
I can’t look across the kitchen bench at Paul, I know this is a phone call that will change my life, I have to listen intently and ask as many questions as possible.
The focus then shifts from my life, to talk about my efforts to bring another life to this world.
We had a long talk about fertility issues and the fact I never made it through to egg collection as my ovaries hyper-stimulated on Chlomid.  Any further intervention in the form of IVF could be risky due to my positive oestrogen receptor status with this and the last cancer.
Andrea says one day I think you should do it, next day don’t – too risky..  We agree this is the see-saw I’ve been on since first diagnosis – only now the decision is final.  The hormone therapy, Tamoxifen, is a five year plan.  I’ll be nearly 40, have had two BC diagnoses, and this little body will have been on Tamoxifen for five years.  Not forgetting the fact Paul will be 57..I’d really only thought about the child – you know – at best – when Paul’s 60, he/she will only be three..Andrea added, Paul will be getting on – and what if something happens to me?  Right, if the gravity of this situation wasn’t clear – there it is.  I’ll be sick or dead and he’ll be left with a toddler.
I hesitantly asked whether Daniel was convinced I didn’t need chemo.  He only commented on this particular cancer – not my history as such.  He didn’t think so, but it’s really a question for the Oncologist.  They also encouraged me to get a second opinion.  Andrea told me the Oncologist might err on the side of caution and given my history, chemo would cover all bases.  I’m 34 with a second breast cancer diagnosis after having my breasts removed.
Shit.
Andrea confirmed my next follow-up appointment with Daniel and the Oncologist in coming days.  She asked if I had any questions.
Yes – I can’t speak to Daniel now?  
Kate, we’re both in front of the computer just shaking our heads, can’t believe it, you’re just so unlucky…….

Operation # 6…almost didn’t happen today!

26 Jan
As I was getting ready to head to the hospital, the song in my head was ‘Stormy Weather’.  It’s been pouring rain all night and there was no sign of it letting up.  (We had torrential rain around the time of my double mastectomies and it’s been dreary weather each time I’ve gone in for surgery!)
As I changed into the paper undies, the head nurse popped her head through the curtain to tell me there was going to be a delay.  Actually – the surgery might not happen today, as some of the theatre’s have flooded – including the one I was due to go into.
I was thirsty, hungry, psyched up to go in and just wanted it done!
She calmy told me they’re trying to shuffle things around so it could go ahead and they’re trying to track Dr D down to see what he wants to do.  I told her, to tell him to ‘bring some gumboots’.  Glad they both have a sense of humour.
Anyway, I sat tight in my sexy underwear, backless gown, shower cap and compression stockings.  Eventually, the thumbs up came.  I was pretty relieved to see Dr D on the other side of those big doors.
And no, he wasn’t wearing his wellies!
The recovery – pretty much as expected.
It’s nice to be home with Ch’i to keep me company, as I wait for word on what the rotten lump actually is.

Nice little gathering…

23 Jan
Before all of this began to unravel, I’d organised a little get together for my birthday.
As it turned out, the timing meant we shared a lovely afternoon just a few days after the biopsies and a few days before what’s to be my 6th operation on these bloody ‘boobs’.
I know it was terribly awkward for some people (I appreciate their efforts to come along and ‘keep it positive’ despite what might be to come), but for me – it was fantastic.  I had a great time with some of those closest to me.
Just what the Dr. ordered.

It goes like this…

20 Jan
No messing around this time;
Ultrasound & Fine Needle Aspiration (FNA) request – NOW…..
Another waiting room, another horrible gut feel….
There it is…..
More paperwork….
Done.
Ouch.  Now the waiting…..

Happy Birthday – ‘X’ marks the spot..

18 Jan
I’d already planned to meet with my Mum, Sister Kristi and her newborn son Harrison.
Call me selfish, but I felt telling them about what was going on while together and in public – might be easier than being confined to one of our homes and having to deal with any hysterical reaction.
It wasn’t like dropping a bombshell – I just said I’d “got a new tat, courtesy of Dr D” and that my “game plan might have to change depending on the outcome of further tests”.
As expected, Mum left the cafe we were in and cried.  I couldn’t help her reaction, but didn’t have the energy to go running after her.  Everything is different this time.  It might be nothing, but I cannot expend all of my reserves on others – even if it is my Mum.  There’s a bit to get through yet.
I discreetly pulled down my top to display ‘x marks the spot’ and explained that I’d have biopsies taken in the morning.
My 34th Birthday has been memorable for all the wrong reasons, but there’s too much going on not to tell those closest to me.

January 17, 2012 – Part Two

17 Jan
As I went to sign papers, Dr D came out to reception, gently put his hand on my shoulder, wished me good luck for the ultrasound in a couple of hours and followed up with “Happy Birthday for tomorrow, we’ll chat about the results after…..”
I looked at Leanne and Ros and exclaimed “I should hate him right now, but it’s hard when he’s so damn nice!”
I had a couple of hours to kill before I had to be back for the ultrasound.  I rang Paul and explained what was to happen.  He was nervous and a little vague at the same time – we agreed to catch up afterwards.
I drove three blocks to Cancer Council Queensland and my friend Shannan.  We wandered across the road to get a coffee like we did when we’d worked together – but it was different.  I knew I was trying to explain something completely foreign to her (we didn’t know each other when I was first diagnosed and who knew what this was going to be…), but at the same time I was preparing myself for what might be to come.
At the allotted time, I went back to radiology.  So familiar, yet with a different level of importance and urgency this time.  That should have frightened the hell out of me, yet I was glad for the immediate action.
The Radiographer may have been somewhat annoyed at Dr D demanding an urgent appointment and I baulked at the attitude as I unwrapped my gown.  She was slightly more sympathetic to my situation when my bare, scarred chest was revealed.  I guess it could be a humbling sight.
She then questioned what exactly we were looking for – when I pin-pointed ‘the lump’, she retorted “that tiny little thing!”, all I could muster was “you’ll have to excuse my concern at what you might think is a tiny little thing – because experience has taught me to be weary and trust my gut – so SCAN AWAY!”
After a bit of heated emotion (on my part), we left on good terms.
See, I was left lying there while the Radiographer went to ‘check the films’ with the Dr.
A quick check,  took a lot longer than expected and when the door finally opened they both entered the room.
My heart sank.  I knew they’d found something they weren’t necessarily expecting to find.
(I’d actually seen this Dr. before a few years back.  Deja Vu alright.)
He asked whether it was a routine check-up or whether I’d found something unusual.  He explained that ‘as I probably already knew’ breast ‘masses’ could be divided into two categories – fibrous lumps and malignant tumours.  This one ‘has characteristics of the latter’, so best to do some further testing.
Plus – as I’d explained to Dr D and the radiographer – there was another area I was a little suspicious of.  He described it as ‘an area of concern’.  He told me Dr D had said I’d probably be pro-active and want to get biopsies done as soon as possible, should there be anything to biopsy.
Yes.
Not now (it’s too late in the day), he wasn’t available tomorrow (and it’s my birthday), so the next morning.
Agreed.

January 17, 2012…

17 Jan
With an uneasy calm – I put on make-up, got dressed and made it to Dr D’s.
It was so good to see Leanne and Ros, but I missed my Breast Care Nurse Andrea.
Dr D was his usual attentive, articulate, caring, matter-of-fact self.
For what seemed like an eternity (but was really about 10 minutes), we talked about what life is like for me now.  How considerate?  Everything from my life ‘BC’, to working as a university lecturer, sitting the medical entrance exam, dress making and back to no longer working in the media and how to make something of this experience etc. etc.
We then moved onto the examination part of the consultation…..
As he prepared, he asked “are the implants okay?”  “Yes”, I answered bluntly, because I guess they are. Next came “Is something bothering you?”
All I could do was point to the very distinct pea-sized lump I knew was there.
The mood in the room changed dramatically, but remained calm.
He was in control, I was grateful.
Time to get this sorted.
In a very business-like way, Dr D went about making sure he could identify exactly what I was telling him I could feel.
When I said “gut feel’s not great”, he almost grimaced as he went about making the necessary arrangements for further testing.
No messing about this time.
Dr D left the room, went straight to the radiology department and organised for me to have an ultrasound before the day was out.  As the whirlwind whipped up around me, I knew I was in the best hands no matter what this lump turned out to be.

Important phone call…

9 Jan

Dialling the Breast Specialist’s number, I take a deep breath.  I’ve had a grossly uneasy feeling since December 16, but know Dr D’s been out of the country on his Christmas break.

Thankfully, Leanne’s lovely voice answered, we got through the pleasantries and I have an appointment in just over a week.

He’ll know how to deal with this pea-sized, hard, gravel-like lump, sitting close to the medial edge of the implant on my right side.

It’s making me sick.

See you in six months..

15 Jul
Going back to see Dr D is not a stressful time for me, I explained to him at my most recent appointment I feel safe there. (I have from day one, as Leanne called to reassure me they had the films ready for Dr D to look at prior to my first appointment.)
Still we have some pretty big (and small!) issues to discuss. 
 
 Here’s the list from my last appointment (in no particular order);
  • Work
  • Examination
  • Ongoing tests including MRI & ultrasound
  • Pain/mobility
  • Fitness/exercise
  • Bras
  • Nipple reconstruction
  • Oestrogen
  • Ovarian Cancer risk/hysterectomy
  • Lymphodema
  • Genetic testing
After discussing all that, he said “well, let’s see you again in six months”  
My goodness!  What a strange sense of bewilderment came over me.
Happy – but lost. Difficult to explain. 
As I went to leave, Andrea told me there was another lady who had read an article about me in the press and there were some similarities in our cases.  She asked if I’d be happy to speak with her.  Of course!  Something useful must come from this experience.  I only hope, that it can help someone else.

Zoledronic Acid Shows Lasting Clinical And Anticancer Benefits In Premenopausal Women With Hormone-Responsive, Early-stage Breast Cancer

13 Dec

Zoledronic Acid Shows Lasting Clinical And Anticancer Benefits In Premenopausal Women With Hormone-Responsive, Early-stage Breast Cancer

Another Anniversary…

19 Oct

This time a year ago I was waking up from my fourth surgery. How excited I was to say goodbye to those awful tissue expanders and have the ‘new boobs’ in place. Of course at the time, I thought that was to be the last operation.

Anyway….

In thinking about another anniversary today I was looking back through some photos and found a few I haven’t shared from that time.

Below is another Dr D, this one is actually the gynaecologist who referred me to the Dr D who’s looked after the boob situation (confused?!).

I was laid up with a view of the entrance to the Maternity ward, when I saw him walk past. I was desperate to get his attention to say thank you. I wasn’t technically this Dr’s patient (my Gyno was out of town), I hadn’t had a consultation with him before so he had no prior knowledge of how determined I could be. Obviously he agreed to satisfy my demands for another opinion on my breast lumps, by sending me on to the other Dr D.

Thank goodness!

When this shot was taken, I’d said thank you many times over (and tried to explain to Mum that after so many others, this was the Dr who finally got me in to see a Breast Specialist). Dr D then told me how he read in disbelief the results of the lumpectomies. We discussed how his referral, had helped with an early diagnosis. Another, to whom I am forever indebted.

The photo below (taken just a little while after coming back from theatre) is one of my favourites with Mum. Despite all she was going through at this time, she’d made me some beautiful pink pj’s.


And this, is my sister Kristi. This is the first time she’d been able to come to the hospital to visit.
Kristi’s only 18 months younger than me. She also has a terrible needle phobia. Needless to say walking in to see all sorts of tubes etc. was not an overly comfortable experience. Neither is dealing with a family member’s cancer diagnosis and treatment. The fact she came, was actually quite a big deal.

Early Risers – Australia’s Largest Women’s Networking Breakfast

3 Oct

As I mentioned – October’s going to be a very busy month!

Here’s another speaking engagement;

Early Risers – Australia’s Largest Women’s Networking Breakfast

Two worlds collide…in a good way!

2 Oct
Today was the launch of a very busy month – Pink Ribbon Month, or Breast Cancer Awareness month…
Around 100 guests had purchased tickets to a glamorous event at Lauxes restaurant and I was invited to speak to them about my personal experience.  In the audience were many other women who have also had their own experience with this disease.  These girls got my jokes!!!  I’m always amazed how many come to have a chat afterwards and describe how similar and also how different our journeys can be.
Channel 9 Gold Coast News sent a crew to cover the event.  Considering I was standing up there talking about such things as the day my breasts were removed, I was glad the Chief of Staff at 9 had assigned a couple of the industry’s best, Eva Milic and Tom Stefanovic, who I knew from my days on the road and in various newsrooms.
We made sure they had what they needed for the story, then promptly got down to the business of catching up properly over lunch!

The fight of her life Gold Coast News | goldcoast.com.au | Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia

21 Sep

I’m used to doing the interviews – not being the subject of them!

That said, when approached to take part in a ‘positive, feel good’ story (just prior to the somewhat bland Federal Budget being handed down), I agreed.

Although a little hesitant at first, wondering whether my experience could or should fill a column or two in the Gold Coast Bulletin, I was assured that speaking out was a good thing to do. What I was given, was an opportunity to recount what had happened in the 12 months prior. Having been in broadcast media where everything’s on tape – us radio journo’s tend to get a little nervous at what the ‘print guys’ might publish!

Journalist Melanie Pilling knew what my life ‘before BC’ involved and was familiar with my voice delivering the news each morning. The interviews on the whole ‘boob experience’ were less about me being a ‘newsreader’ (the job which I was quite comfortable speaking about), than they were about me the ‘breast cancer survivor’. As photographers Kit and Kate lined up shots laughing at my jokes about the old ‘face for radio’, Mel spent countless hours going over the detail.

Here’s their work;

The fight of her life Gold Coast News goldcoast.com.au Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia

Busy, busy…

14 Sep

Breast Cancer awareness month is fast approaching. After my introduction to this in such a personal way last year, this year is shaping up to be even busier with speaking engagements.

Here’s one to kick start October;

Women In Tourism Events

The ‘B’ Team

5 Sep
Please meet the girls – Roz, Leanne & Jennifer.

These three women, through their work with Dr D, are an integral part of my ‘medical team’ – the two other important people missing from this shot are Dr D himself and Andrea. (both way too busy to be posing for happy snaps! Maybe I can get a shot at a future appointment..)

I was showing off a little by driving myself up to the rooms and dropping off a little thank you for each of them. The work they do is so incredibly sensitive and yet they manage to wade through the maze of human emotions professionally and with a level of understanding and compassion I have never before experienced.

Perhaps the biggest thank you I can give them is to try and use this journey of mine, to make someone elses easier?

New Direction?

3 Sep

I never really enjoyed university – now I’m considering going back.

Some of the differences are;

  • I’m now 32, not 16
  • I’m considering health sciences/medicine, not journalism
  • It’ll all be new and very scientific, not something I can bluff my way into by speaking to people and learning ‘on the job’
  • I want to learn, not just get the bit of paper at the end

It was evident from the start of this ‘journey’ that I felt compelled to do something. I’m learning lots in my work at Cancer Council Queensland and it’s really reinforcing that this is the direction I want to head in. Perhaps, further study is it? I don’t know, but I will never know if I don’t at least try.

After that detailed conversation I with Dr D about what I’m going to do with my life, I’ve been investigating study options. Here I am at an Open Day at Bond Uni. I sat in presentations on everything from physiotherapy to psychology, trying to explore all options.

It was the wet lab (yes – I pulled on the gloves and took part in a ‘dissection’), pathology museum (tried to identify different tumors in samples taken during autopsies), and ward (complete with unbelievably life-like dummies hooked up to machines just like in a real hospital), I found absolutely fascinating…..Truly amazing. In fact I rang Mum demanding she come and have a look!

I spoke to staff and students – at length. One student in particular, who will graduate this December, really struck a chord with me. When I asked her what made her want to become a Doctor, she told me that she’d spent many weeks in hospital with ‘girlie’ troubles when she was in Year 12 and that she was so grateful for the help she received she wanted to do the same for others.

All of a sudden I didn’t feel so silly.


There’s an enormous amount of work to be done before I can even apply – and it’s SO competitive. But – I’ve been lucky enough to be given a second chance, it would be wrong of me to waste it.

Wayne’s World Part 2

2 Sep
You scored a very personal introduction to my mate Mr Hickson (remember that ‘topless’ shot of the pair of us?).
What I may not have explained is what a great bloke he is. This original storyboard from Hanna-Barbera’s famous work ‘The Smurfs’ is a rather special gift he gave me. The envelope all the way from the U.S. had a hilarious little note on the front, it read; ‘For the one who pees like a smurf’!
Thanks Mr Hickson, guess I’ll never lose the ‘Smurfette’ nickname you gave me not long after that Sentinel Node Biopsy.

What Next?

1 Sep
As I ask myself that very question, I’d like to share a bit more of Lori’s artwork. (Well – she’s been gracious enough to share!)The way this piece came about was not the usual kind of free-and-easy, put brush to canvas when you feel like it, kind of deal.

Lori had been plugging away at the plannning for quite some time.  I’ll let you analyse the light and dark of this clever piece……..

Daffodil Day

28 Aug

Fresh flowers truly do bring a smile to your face, but on August 27 purchasing some ‘fresh daff’s’ is about more than making someone smile.
Proceeds raised through this annual event go towards cancer research, prevention and early detection programs as well as support services for cancer patients and their families.

My friend Shannan survived her first Daffodil Day as Regional Fundraising Co-ordinator for the Gold Coast office of Cancer Council Queensland. We, along with Shan’s hubby Pete (and dozens of other volunteers), were out in local shopping centres selling the fresh flowers.

As well as hearing many stories about people’s experiences with cancer, we got to share in parents explaining to little ones what the day and the fresh blooms were all about. Education – without having to sit in a classroom!

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